| all news is old news |
[May. 26th, 2007|10:00 pm] |
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I don't want to reflect on my recent life. I feel like I'd be stopping my rocket ship to turnaround and do a math problem on a chalk board half a light year back. There appears to be a good chance that I will have a job in MI starting July 2nd. Yes there's more but I feel like my parents are asking me what happened at school today. Nothing ok! Get off my back. A ton of shit happened and is happening. I'm over it. Let's go, what's next? Hit me! Ouch! Do it again! I read all of Ryan's posts this year. Go man go. Jet packs are coming along |
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| Dear Internet, |
[Feb. 4th, 2007|09:35 pm] |
Dear Internet,
I want you to know that I will always come to you for answers. I will always proclaim that you are a gift from above. For you have shown mankind so many things about himself. Great things, horrible things. You have given freedom of expression to trapped souls, an outlet to those in need. You've provided a means of community to the isolated. You have given aide to evangelists and child predators. You are a technological battlefield for angels and demons. You've made some rich, some poor. You've allowed people to help each other, provide an outlet for the tormented to pour out their innards. You provide a communication line to loved ones and feed the porn addiction of others. An experiment in anarchy, freedom, and communication. Formless and full of life. With no agenda. You take no sides. You are the fifth dimension.
And I am over you. I am not interested in blogging, e-mail, porn, myspace, livejournal, personal websites, gaming... But I still find you captivating. I respect what you do. You should never stop but keep evolving. You are sick but you will get better. And you're better off without me. I will come by and visit. But I am over you.
Oh, and good bye windows. I'm a linux user now. Ubuntu.
Your friend,
mickeymarvel |
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| ghost plane |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|10:13 pm] |
I am a ghost plane
A flaming carriage
An empty boat afloat in the ocean
A skeleton rider on the plains of a barren planet
I am not hungry
I am not in pain
I am not discontent
I am not dead
I am a living thing without end
life goes through me like wind through netting
And I, through it like a Wright brothers' glider
no need to remember, no chance of forgetting
I am not heavy
I am not afraid
I am not easy
I do not fade
However, my torso is caught in the mechanical resonance of a Max Headroom stutter from Andromeda |
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| Partial |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|09:39 pm] |
| You Are a Phoenix | 
Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily.
You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world.
You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns.
However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts. |
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| Man of Cereal |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|10:10 pm] |
like peas in the pod
we bounce and nod
to the rythm
workin its way to the rod
slurpin down slippery
hitman hopes
nod and bounce
ing off the ropes
this wild child likes a mild elixer
over time the booze 'll fix her
shaken stirred but in the mixer
blind him and he always picks her
fixing things like broken wings
ain't my job, I plays and sings
you may think it helps you some
but I can't make you 21 |
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| The Panic |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|09:02 pm] |
I have a hard time concentrating on the present. Especially in unfamiliar places, crowded places, and events. I am uncomfortable. Much of the time, the present becomes something to 'get through' instead of enjoyed. Stopping to enjoy the present moment is difficult. Painful. Excrutiating. Sometimes I try but I just can't and I feel all spacey and not real. Disoriented. Scared. That I'm missing it and not really alive. Where am I? Body is here. It seems my soul is drifting away from my body. Uninterested. Which many times gives me the panic. But I've learned to get through it.
The panic? Yep. I've suffered from panic attacks and mild agoraphobia for about 5 years now. One panic attack is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I've had thousands. The last two years I've made significant progress. Early on it was bad. But now I'm able to go to the grocery store, or to a movie without fear of IT happening. Sounds rediculous. And it is. Which is why it's even more disturbing. Can you imagine how you would feel during a mock execution? It's like that but your standing there holding a tomato in the grocery store. Or waiting in a line at Subway. But no one notices.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Often times I don't because I don't want anyone to know that this is possible. If you worry enough, you too can be just like me. I don't want anyone else to worry about this happening to them. There are medications but I've never tried them.
I beleive there is a spiritual reason for this. That I'm not doing what I could be. That I could be something greater than what I am. And that I should. And that until I do that, I will be motivated to move towards it by this disorder. Instead of being nipped from behind by it, I should be charging forward with weapons wielded.
Rachel has on fine ass pajama pance with litle butterflies. |
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| I'm a bus driver -I drive the bus |
[Oct. 25th, 2006|07:32 pm] |
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It was easy. A very smooth transition into phase I of project 'Company Take Over'. If I establish myself as a necessary component, they might allow me to keep my job and work remotely from MI when I move home next year. Working at my job in Florida. remotely. from Michigan. A guy I talked to today did the exact same thing. But I get the feeling he's been there for a lot longer than I. |
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| Chairman |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|09:01 pm] |
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I've called a meeting at work. I reserved a classroom. I will be running the show. Up front with a computer screen projector and a pointer. They are the future users of my project. I want them to give me input. They are management & customer service reps. I am new and young. They are old and old. I have a fear of speaking in front of groups. I have had many panic attacks in meetings. These meetings will take place once a week. I will be cured. I will learn. It will be painful. I will be better for it. Tomorrow. I'm drivin this bus. |
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| Tweet tweet |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|06:21 am] |
It's friday. I woke up early. put the dishes away. Got some kisses. made pancakes. the last one was a micky mouse pancake. AND I get to wear my wranglers to work. After a week of fighting to get out of bed, this happens after six hours of sleep. I don't have any control over anything at all.
I got a phone call from Jake and Rik the other night. They were at the bar having a few. They said things like 'I love you man'. To which I did not know how to respond. I am looking forward to my visit home Thursday Nov 3 to Monday Nov 6. I haven't been home since I moved to florida last December. Sad I know but the move has really been good for me. I had to get out of there. When we come back it won't be the same. And that's a good thing. Have a good one. |
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| asdf |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|12:13 am] |
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Can't sleep. Too many naps this weekend. I went to this Oxygen bar friday evening. I've been meaning to go for a long time. They have open mic night (me) and poetry reading (her). And flavored oxygen. And a small amount of bottled alcohol. And coffee and trinkets to eat. I did a five minute session of oxygen. It was slightly relaxing and rejuvinating. There is local art on the wall. We fight. But sleep tight. Been working on this. |
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mickeymarvel's journal